i will never forget what it feels like to stand on the edge of a cliff at night, looking out over the ocean, looking up at the stars, sobbing my heart out.

on the offchance God was listening.




it’s time to retire this blog; it belongs to a chapter that’s over.

thank you, readers, for keeping me company. i will keep on writing somewhere else, so stay tuned. :)

listening to my students tell me about prom. crying a little inside, knowing that i never was and never will be one of those girls.

not that i should care, right?

oh, but i do! regardless of “should” or “should not”, i do

wish that i could be pretty, vivacious, captivating, and adored.

i love YS. i really do. quality hasn’t been consistent across the board (some brands sell cute crap), but i’ve mastered the art of visually appraising apparel by now (from looking at photos and reading fabric descriptions) and have about an 80% success rate with YS’s stuff, most of which are awesome and unobtainable elsewhere.

that said, there has always been something on my mind:

70cm busts.

sometimes, even 65cm.

i cannot believe the percentage of YS clothing with bust measurements of 70cm and below. 65cm is approximately 26 inches. that is about the circumference of my waist. i know asian females (myself included) are not particularly well-endowed, but 65cm?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! my goodness. i can’t even consider buying half of YS’s inventory because of this little (pun intended) problem.

at first, i thought it was just a flat measurement, taken when the shirt or dress is laid out flat. meaning the practical circumference (when worn on the body) is actually greater, because the material will stretch. and for a small fraction of the clothes, this is actually what’s going on; the site says so.

for a large fraction, however, i have no choice but to believe that the posted number really is the actual worn-on-the-body circumference. because i have bought shirts with 84cm shirts (assuming that the 84cm was the actual worn-on-the-body circumference)(TMI, maybe?) that ended up fitting me beautifully, with little room to spare.

YS, WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!?!

the models look thin, yes. i still cannot wrap around my head around what seems to be fact. i mean, people make fun of me for being tiny and a midget and miniscule and doll-sized all the time. i must look like godzilla next to these models. -_____-

i suppose i should just purchase one of these pieces in question, just to see. i hate dealing with returns, though. also, if it turned out to be the size i suspect, i would just feel like a….cow. ha. ha. *sigh*

i will never know. lol. *throws hands up*

“…you smile and it brightens the room.”

this is what a friend told me once.


do i really…brighten…whole rooms?

i don’t remember the last time i was ecstatic with happiness…i’m going to hold her comment close, in case it runs away and i forget it.

forget that i can brighten whole rooms just by being me.